System Update
10 January 2026 01:07![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pheonix_systemOh boy. I'm not even sure where to begin. So much has has happened since we last posted. I guess chronologically is the best method?
Quick warning for medical, disordered eating, and traumatic innerworld event discussions.
May: Migraine
One day randomly in May 2025, I developed a migraine, but one so intense that I visited the ER 2-3 times in the same week. It lasted for multiple days straight and tried to return a few days after and for sure was the worst migraine we've ever experienced. Prior to this, we only rarely got headaches and almost never got migraines. Afterwards, we almost always have some level of headache, though only about a 3 at most on the pain scale. 3 used to seem like a lot of pain. After May? It feels like a minor annoyance.
We got an MRI and visited a neurologist, but they couldn't find anything. Fun! We're still working with doctors to rule some things out, but the general consensus is that we just randomly developed a migraine disorder.
Thankfully, since that first migraine, the worst pain we've had has been a 5 (that initial migraine got to at least a 7).
June: The Entities
We were actually able to establish some very basic communication with the Entities, which are shadowy beings in our innerworld, or at least Werewolf Pack's headspace, which are not headmates but are also not NPCs. They're simultaneously something in-between and something beyond. These Entities feel eldritch in a way, and have this feeling of being the "original inhabitants" of our innerworld, and have been very territorial over various locations in headspace and have periodically "attacked" us (not causing any harm, seemingly with the purpose to just scare us).
This was the first time any of them were able to communicate in any way that isn't just ~dark and intimidating vibes~ which can only get us so far. They were able to answer a few yes/no questions, which revealed that they are in fact either protecting us from something, or are guarding something from us. They refused to clarify further.
July: Eating Struggles
When we had our annual checkup, our doctor told us we had lost weight and was unhappy with it because we were already slim and on the lower side of average weight. This weight loss was due to difficulties in eating, with our brain rejecting a lot of food and how much we could eat.
August: Innerworld Trauma + Dormancy Confusion
This month started out really rough, with Beasts in our innerworld attacking us and killing one of Amara's wolves. We held a funeral for the wolf and I'm not sure if Amara has recovered. She's extremely close with her wolves. She basically is a part of the pack. They're like wild wolves who simply adopted her as one of their own.
The Beasts were similar in feel to the Entities, but with a horror-esque appearance and with an intense danger! vibe to them. Like, when we saw them, we felt we were in imminent danger of bodily harm. Which. Yeah.
Fortunately we haven't seen these Beasts since then.
Later in the month, Felix accidentally brought two members back from dormancy? We think? We're not entirely sure if he was directly related or if things just lined up really strangely. We're still trying to figure this out.
September: Weight Loss + Innerworld Discovery
At another doctor appointment, we discovered we'd lost 10 pounds.
We also discovered a library in Werewolf Pack's headspace, but the Entities forbade us from looking at any of the books, and given that they were willing to let us be in the library at all and have been attempting to communicate with us. We have a theory that these books could be some representation of memory, which might explain why the Entities don't want us to look at them.
We also discovered an entire subsystem that we previously hadn't known about, and they had likewise been completely unaware of us.
October: Innerworld Discovery
We discovered a new hallway in the main house of Werewolf Pack's headspace, but were unable to explore as the members who tried were quite literally thrown backwards all the way across the room into the coffee table. So yeah. Not sure what's going there, but clearly something doesn't want us to look too close there.
November & December: Worsening Memory
This is the point we began to note we were forgetting things only moments after hearing them, or forgetting steps while doing things. For example, we began turning off the shower only to realize we never actually used body wash or shampoo. That's been fun.
January: DID Questioning
We were just recently told by our therapist that we do in fact fit the criteria for DID, but she didn't officially diagnose us because she's hesitant to diagnose both because it's a controversial diagnosis and because we aren't seeking final fusion. Not sure if that means we technically have DID or not, or like. How we're supposed to consider ourselves disordered/non-disordered wise. For now we may just say we're "schrödisordered" as a joke.
Edit: I hate how complicated it is to utilize cuts
Quick warning for medical, disordered eating, and traumatic innerworld event discussions.
May: Migraine
One day randomly in May 2025, I developed a migraine, but one so intense that I visited the ER 2-3 times in the same week. It lasted for multiple days straight and tried to return a few days after and for sure was the worst migraine we've ever experienced. Prior to this, we only rarely got headaches and almost never got migraines. Afterwards, we almost always have some level of headache, though only about a 3 at most on the pain scale. 3 used to seem like a lot of pain. After May? It feels like a minor annoyance.
We got an MRI and visited a neurologist, but they couldn't find anything. Fun! We're still working with doctors to rule some things out, but the general consensus is that we just randomly developed a migraine disorder.
Thankfully, since that first migraine, the worst pain we've had has been a 5 (that initial migraine got to at least a 7).
June: The Entities
We were actually able to establish some very basic communication with the Entities, which are shadowy beings in our innerworld, or at least Werewolf Pack's headspace, which are not headmates but are also not NPCs. They're simultaneously something in-between and something beyond. These Entities feel eldritch in a way, and have this feeling of being the "original inhabitants" of our innerworld, and have been very territorial over various locations in headspace and have periodically "attacked" us (not causing any harm, seemingly with the purpose to just scare us).
This was the first time any of them were able to communicate in any way that isn't just ~dark and intimidating vibes~ which can only get us so far. They were able to answer a few yes/no questions, which revealed that they are in fact either protecting us from something, or are guarding something from us. They refused to clarify further.
July: Eating Struggles
When we had our annual checkup, our doctor told us we had lost weight and was unhappy with it because we were already slim and on the lower side of average weight. This weight loss was due to difficulties in eating, with our brain rejecting a lot of food and how much we could eat.
August: Innerworld Trauma + Dormancy Confusion
This month started out really rough, with Beasts in our innerworld attacking us and killing one of Amara's wolves. We held a funeral for the wolf and I'm not sure if Amara has recovered. She's extremely close with her wolves. She basically is a part of the pack. They're like wild wolves who simply adopted her as one of their own.
The Beasts were similar in feel to the Entities, but with a horror-esque appearance and with an intense danger! vibe to them. Like, when we saw them, we felt we were in imminent danger of bodily harm. Which. Yeah.
Fortunately we haven't seen these Beasts since then.
Later in the month, Felix accidentally brought two members back from dormancy? We think? We're not entirely sure if he was directly related or if things just lined up really strangely. We're still trying to figure this out.
September: Weight Loss + Innerworld Discovery
At another doctor appointment, we discovered we'd lost 10 pounds.
We also discovered a library in Werewolf Pack's headspace, but the Entities forbade us from looking at any of the books, and given that they were willing to let us be in the library at all and have been attempting to communicate with us. We have a theory that these books could be some representation of memory, which might explain why the Entities don't want us to look at them.
We also discovered an entire subsystem that we previously hadn't known about, and they had likewise been completely unaware of us.
October: Innerworld Discovery
We discovered a new hallway in the main house of Werewolf Pack's headspace, but were unable to explore as the members who tried were quite literally thrown backwards all the way across the room into the coffee table. So yeah. Not sure what's going there, but clearly something doesn't want us to look too close there.
November & December: Worsening Memory
This is the point we began to note we were forgetting things only moments after hearing them, or forgetting steps while doing things. For example, we began turning off the shower only to realize we never actually used body wash or shampoo. That's been fun.
January: DID Questioning
We were just recently told by our therapist that we do in fact fit the criteria for DID, but she didn't officially diagnose us because she's hesitant to diagnose both because it's a controversial diagnosis and because we aren't seeking final fusion. Not sure if that means we technically have DID or not, or like. How we're supposed to consider ourselves disordered/non-disordered wise. For now we may just say we're "schrödisordered" as a joke.
Additionally, throughout this entire time, we've continued to gain more members at a fairly steady rate.
Hopefully 2026 is kinder to us.Edit: I hate how complicated it is to utilize cuts